One of the things I’ve become exceptionally good at over the years is hiding how I feel.
When you live with chronic illness, you learn how to smile when you’re exhausted, push through when your body is struggling, and continue showing up even when every part of you wants to rest.
Most days, nobody knows how much effort it takes.
Yesterday was not one of those days.
For the past two weeks, I have been dealing with extreme fatigue. Not the kind of tiredness that comes from a busy week or a late night, but the kind of fatigue that settles deep into your body and makes even routine tasks feel overwhelming.
To make matters worse, I’ve been battling a headache that has lingered for the last four days.
Living with Crohn’s Disease, Myasthenia Gravis, and menopause often feels like a constant guessing game. Some days I find myself wondering:
Is this Crohn’s?
Is this MG?
Is this menopause?
Or is it all three working together?
The reality is that sometimes I simply don’t know.
What I do know is that yesterday my body and mind had reached a point where I had very little left in reserve.
During a property performance review call, one of my direct reports challenged my directives while ownership was on the call.
Under normal circumstances, I would have addressed the situation calmly and professionally. I would have redirected the conversation, clarified expectations, and moved forward.
Yesterday, I didn’t.
My frustration showed.
My exhaustion showed.
And unfortunately, my tone showed.
The moment passed quickly, but I immediately recognized that I had not responded the way I normally would.
After the call, I contacted my supervisor and reported my own behavior.
Not because anyone asked me to.
Not because I was trying to get ahead of a complaint.
But because accountability matters.
As leaders, we often hold ourselves to a higher standard—and rightly so. Leadership isn’t about never making mistakes. It’s about owning them when we do.
The experience reminded me of something important: chronic illness doesn’t always show up in obvious ways.
Sometimes it shows up as muscle weakness.
Sometimes it shows up as digestive issues.
Sometimes it shows up as headaches and exhaustion.
And sometimes it shows up as a shorter fuse, less patience, and reactions that don’t feel like the person we strive to be.
Living with chronic illness requires a tremendous amount of physical and emotional energy. Most days, I manage it well.
Yesterday, I didn’t.
And that’s okay.
What matters is recognizing when we’ve fallen short, taking responsibility, learning from the experience, and extending ourselves the same grace we so freely offer others.
Today, I am choosing grace.
I am acknowledging that my body has been struggling.
I am recognizing that fatigue is real.
And I am reminding myself that one difficult moment does not define who I am as a leader, a professional, or a person.
It simply reminds me that I am human.
For those of us living with chronic illness, there will be days when the mask slips and the struggle becomes visible.
When that happens, may we have the courage to own our actions, learn from them, and continue moving forward.
Because resilience isn’t about being perfect.
It’s about getting back up, even on the days when we don’t feel like ourselves.
Living with one autoimmune disease is challenging. Living with two requires resilience. Welcome to The Dual Diagnosis Diaries, where I share the realities of navigating life with Crohn’s Disease and Myasthenia Gravis—one day, one lesson, and one act of grace at a time.
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