Sleep.
For most people, it is something they look forward to at the end of a long day.
For me, sleep has become one of life’s greatest ironies.
I spend my days battling fatigue, yet many nights I struggle to sleep.
I am exhausted.
Not the kind of tired that comes from a busy day or a late night.
The kind of exhaustion that comes from living with Crohn’s Disease, Myasthenia Gravis, sleep apnea, asthma, and the constant effort it takes just to function.
My body begs for rest.
My mind and my health conditions don’t always cooperate.
The Exhaustion That Sleep Doesn’t Fix
One of the hardest things to explain to someone who has never lived with chronic illness is that fatigue and sleepiness are not the same thing.
Sleepiness improves with rest.
Fatigue often doesn’t.
There have been countless mornings when I have slept through the night and still awakened feeling as though I never went to bed.
My muscles feel heavy.
My body feels depleted.
My energy reserves feel empty before the day has even begun.
Myasthenia Gravis and Crohn’s Disease both contribute to fatigue, creating a level of exhaustion that can be difficult for others to understand.
What many people don’t realize is that insomnia is incredibly common among autoimmune warriors. Pain, inflammation, medication side effects, stress, anxiety, and the emotional burden of chronic illness can all interfere with the body’s ability to achieve restorative sleep.
Many of us spend our days exhausted and our nights wide awake.
As if that weren’t enough, sleep disorders are also common among those living with Myasthenia Gravis. Sleep apnea and other sleep-related breathing issues occur at higher rates in the MG community, particularly among those who experience respiratory muscle weakness. For some of us, the very muscles responsible for helping us breathe while we sleep are affected by our disease.
So while the world sees someone who is “always tired,” the reality is often much more complicated.
Many of us are fighting a battle on two fronts:
We are exhausted because we cannot sleep.
And we cannot sleep because of the illnesses that make us exhausted.
When Breathing Becomes Part of the Bedtime Routine
Before Myasthenia Gravis entered my life, I never thought much about breathing.
It simply happened.
Then one day it didn’t feel so simple anymore.
Living with MG has taught me that something as basic as breathing can no longer be taken for granted.
Respiratory muscles can be affected by Myasthenia Gravis, making breathing feel more difficult and requiring greater effort. Sleep apnea can add another layer of complexity to an already challenging situation.
There have been seasons of my journey where I found myself paying attention to every breath.
Every inhale.
Every exhale.
Wondering whether what I was experiencing was asthma, sleep apnea, Myasthenia Gravis, anxiety, or some combination of all four.
When breathing becomes difficult, nighttime can feel especially vulnerable.
The world gets quiet.
Distractions disappear.
And suddenly you become hyperaware of something most people never have to think about.
My Relationship with My BiPAP
Every night, I put on my BiPAP mask.
It isn’t glamorous.
It isn’t comfortable all the time.
And it certainly isn’t something I imagined would become part of my nightly routine.
But it helps me breathe.
For that reason alone, I am grateful.
The BiPAP is a reminder that sometimes accepting help isn’t weakness.
It’s survival.
It’s adaptation.
It’s choosing to do what is necessary to give your body the best chance to rest.
The Nights Nobody Sees
What people often don’t see are the nights spent staring at the ceiling.
The nights when insomnia decides it isn’t leaving.
The nights when my body is exhausted but my brain refuses to shut down.
The nights when I check the clock and realize another hour has passed.
Then another.
Then another.
And before I know it, morning has arrived.
There is a unique frustration that comes from desperately needing sleep and being unable to find it.
Especially when you know tomorrow’s fatigue is already waiting for you.
What Treatment Has Taught Me
One thing I have learned over the years is that everything is connected.
When my Myasthenia Gravis is better controlled, my breathing improves.
When my breathing improves, I worry less.
When I worry less, sleep comes easier.
When sleep improves, everything else becomes a little more manageable.
Not perfect.
Just manageable.
Sometimes with chronic illness, manageable is a victory worth celebrating.
To Sleep or Not to Sleep?
The answer seems obvious.
Sleep.
But anyone living with chronic illness knows it isn’t always that simple.
Some nights I sleep peacefully.
Some nights I battle insomnia.
Some nights I wake up exhausted despite spending hours in bed.
And some nights I simply focus on resting, even when sleep refuses to come.
Because I’ve learned something important:
Rest still matters.
Even when sleep doesn’t.
Giving ourselves permission to slow down, breathe, and recover is not laziness.
It’s self-preservation.
And when you’re living with multiple chronic illnesses, self-preservation becomes an act of courage.
Final Thoughts
Living with Crohn’s Disease and Myasthenia Gravis has taught me that sleep is far more than a nightly routine.
It is recovery.
It is healing.
It is survival.
For many autoimmune warriors, sleep isn’t something we take for granted.
It’s something we fight for.
Some nights are easier than others.
Some nights are harder than anyone realizes.
But every morning I wake up, put my feet on the floor, and try again.
And sometimes, that’s enough.
Quote of the Day
“Some nights I battle insomnia. Some nights I battle sleep apnea. Some nights I battle Myasthenia Gravis. Every morning I choose to keep fighting.”
Living with one chronic illness is challenging. Living with two requires resilience, adaptation, and faith. Welcome to The Dual Diagnosis Diaries, where I share the realities of navigating life with Crohn’s Disease and Myasthenia Gravis—one treatment, one setback, one victory, and one breath at a time.
The Dual Diagnosis Diaries | Kia’s Journey 💜 
Leave a comment