“I am constantly torn between ‘I can’t let Crohn’s and MG ruin my life’ and ‘I have to listen to my body and rest.’”
As I prepare to catch my red-eye flight home to Washington, D.C., I find myself having the same conversation I have almost every day.
One voice says, “You cannot let Crohn’s Disease and Myasthenia Gravis ruin your life.”
The other voice responds, “Your body is exhausted. Slow down. Rest.”
And somewhere in the middle of those two voices sits… me.
There is something ironic about having this internal debate while sitting in an airport. Airports represent movement, adventure, family, and new experiences. But for those of us living with chronic illness, they also represent energy calculations, contingency plans, medication schedules, and the inevitable question: Will my body cooperate today?
As excited as I am to travel, reconnect with loved ones, and make memories, I can already feel the quiet negotiation beginning.
Can I physically do this?
Will I enjoy myself in the moment but pay for it later?
Am I truly okay, or am I simply running on determination, adrenaline, and whatever overpriced airport coffee I convinced myself was a necessity?
This trip home comes with an additional challenge: the flight is a red-eye, and my goal is to sleep for most—if not all—of the journey. Not because I simply enjoy sleeping on airplanes, but because I know that if I arrive completely exhausted, Crohn’s and MG will gladly remind me that they never actually took the trip off.
So tonight, I’ll be doing something I rarely admit without laughing at myself: recruiting the help of sleep aids and hoping they work their magic somewhere between boarding and baggage claim.
Because when you live with chronic illness, rest isn’t a luxury. Sometimes, it’s part of the travel itinerary.
Most people see the vacations, the family gatherings, the trips to Disneyland, and the photos where I’m smiling. What they don’t see is the internal tug-of-war that happens before almost every plan.
Because the truth is, I don’t want Crohn’s and MG to win.
I spent too many years letting Crohn’s dictate my life. Then, just when I thought I had figured things out, Myasthenia Gravis showed up like an uninvited guest who not only crashed the party but also rearranged all the furniture.
Suddenly, things that once felt simple required strategy.
✈️ A flight across the country? Strategy.
🏰 A day at Disneyland? Strategy.
💼 A work trip? Strategy.
🎉 A family event? Strategy.
🛒 Even a trip to Target somehow requires the planning skills of a military operation.
And if you live with chronic illness, you know exactly what I mean.
Sometimes I hear people say, “Just listen to your body.”
As if my body and I are on the same page.
My body sends mixed signals all the time. One day, it says, “Let’s conquer the world.” The next day, it whispers, “Absolutely not. We’re lying down and reheating leftovers.”
It’s exhausting trying to figure out whether I genuinely need rest or whether I’m simply afraid of pushing myself too hard.
Then there’s the guilt.
The guilt of canceling plans.
The guilt of needing a nap after doing something “normal.”
The guilt of sitting down when there are dishes in the sink, emails waiting for responses, laundry piling up, and approximately seventeen other adult responsibilities demanding my attention.
Meanwhile, my body is over here playing Destiny’s Child’s “Bills, Bills, Bills,” reminding me that fatigue does not care about my to-do list.
What I am slowly learning—emphasis on slowly—is that rest is not failure.
Rest is not weakness.
Rest is not “letting Crohn’s and MG win.”
Rest is part of survival.
Because if I push through every warning sign, eventually my body will stop whispering and start screaming.
And trust me, I have learned that lesson more times than I care to admit.
The hardest part about chronic illness is that there is no universal rulebook. There is no chart that tells you when to fight through the fatigue and when to wave the white flag.
Every day requires a new calculation:
💜 How much energy do I have?
💜 What absolutely needs to get done?
💜 What can wait?
💜 And perhaps most importantly: What will tomorrow’s version of me need?
Some days, choosing rest is the bravest thing I can do.
Other days, choosing to live my life despite Crohn’s and MG feels equally courageous.
The goal, I’m realizing, isn’t to choose one or the other.
The goal is to learn how to do both.
To make memories while respecting my limits.
To embrace joy without ignoring my body.
To understand that slowing down does not mean giving up.
And to remember that surviving chronic illness isn’t about proving how much pain I can push through.
It’s about building a life worth living—even if that life occasionally requires a nap in the middle of the day.
And if you need me, I’ll be somewhere between planning my next adventure and convincing myself that resting on the couch counts as productivity.
Honestly, with Crohn’s and MG, sometimes it absolutely does.
💜 Thank you for taking the time to read this entry from The Dual Diagnosis Diaries.
If this story resonated with you, taught you something new, or reminded you that you’re not alone, please consider liking, subscribing, and sharing this diary entry. Your support helps raise awareness, foster understanding, and build a community for those navigating life with chronic illness.
With gratitude,
Kia Lorice
Founder • Author • Advocate • Future Wellness Coach
The Dual Diagnosis Diaries 💜
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