The Dual Diagnosis Diaries | Kia’s Journey: 🌻 Who Holds the Strong One?

Dear Diary,

I have spent a lot of my life being the quiet place for everyone else.

The person who listens.

The person who notices when someone’s voice sounds different, even when they insist they are fine.

The person who carries a little extra light into someone else’s darkness—even when the lights in my own emotional house are flickering like the electric bill may not have been paid.

I know how to make room for other people’s feelings. I know how to sit with someone in their sadness without rushing them through it. I know how to offer encouragement when life feels heavy.

But sometimes, I forget that I am allowed to need those things, too.

💪🏾 When Strength Becomes an Expectation

Being called strong is usually meant as a compliment.

And it is.

But strength can quietly become a role people expect you to keep playing.

When you are known as the strong one, people assume you will figure it out. They believe you can handle one more responsibility, one more crisis, one more disappointment, and one more unexpected plot twist.

Apparently, life looked at my résumé and decided “crisis management” was one of my core competencies.

And because I usually do figure it out, people rarely stop to ask what figuring it out costs me.

“Sometimes the strongest person in the room is simply the one who has not yet allowed herself to fall apart.”

The truth is, I have become so accustomed to carrying things that I do not always recognize when they have become too heavy.

I keep moving.

I keep helping.

I keep answering the phone.

I keep saying, “I’m okay.”

Meanwhile, my body, mind, and spirit are holding an emergency meeting without me.

🕯️ Carrying the Light While Standing in the Dark

There have been moments when I encouraged someone else while privately struggling to encourage myself.

I have reminded people to rest while ignoring my own exhaustion.

I have told others to give themselves grace while holding myself to standards no actual human being could consistently meet.

I have poured reassurance into people while my own emotional cup was somewhere in the sink waiting to be washed.

That is the complicated part of becoming a safe place for others: people may not realize I need somewhere safe to land when I have become so skilled at hiding the weight I am carrying.

I cannot always expect others to recognize needs I never communicate.

I am learning to say when I am overwhelmed.

I am learning to admit when I do not have the emotional capacity to take on one more problem.

I am learning that being honest about what I need is not complaining, burdening someone else, or failing to be strong.

Sometimes, it is simply the only way the people who love me will know how to love me well.

🛑 Rest Is Not Something I Have to Earn

I am learning that rest does not require an explanation.

I do not have to complete every task, solve every problem, answer every message, or make sure everyone else is okay before I am allowed to pause.

Rest is not a reward for reaching complete exhaustion.

It is not a luxury reserved for people whose lives are less complicated.

And it is definitely not evidence that I am lazy, weak, or failing.

Rest is part of being human.

Sometimes rest looks like sleep. Sometimes it means silence. Sometimes it means saying no without attaching a five-paragraph explanation, supporting documentation, and three professional references.

Sometimes rest means letting someone else be the strong one.

🌻 More Than What I Carry

I am proud of the woman who has survived difficult seasons.

I am proud of the woman who shows up for the people she loves.

I am proud of the woman who finds humor in the middle of chaos, hope in uncertain places, and enough strength to keep moving forward.

But I am more than my strength.

I am also the woman who gets tired.

The woman who becomes overwhelmed.

The woman who occasionally needs reassurance, comfort, and permission to put everything down.

I am allowed to have moments when I do not know what to do next.

I am allowed to need help.

I am allowed to be cared for without first proving how much I have cared for everyone else.

I do not always have to be the quiet place, the listening ear, the dependable one, or the keeper of the light.

Sometimes, I am allowed to let someone hold the light for me.

“Sometimes I can simply be Kia.”

Human.

Loved.

Tired.

Trying.

And still more than enough.

🎵 Music Playing in My Head While Writing This

“Strength, Courage & Wisdom” — India.Arie

Because real strength is not pretending that nothing hurts.

Sometimes strength is recognizing that I need to pause. Courage is admitting that I cannot carry everything alone. Wisdom is finally understanding that caring for myself does not take anything away from the love I give to others.

💭 Reflection Corner

I am learning to ask myself:

• When was the last time I gave myself the same patience I give everyone else?
• Who makes space for me when I need somewhere safe to land?
• What would it look like to let myself be supported without guilt?

Maybe the lesson is not that I need to stop being strong.

Maybe the lesson is that I need to redefine strength.

Strength can be setting a boundary.

Strength can be asking for help.

Strength can be turning off the phone, closing the door, and deciding that nothing else will be solved tonight.

It can also be allowing myself to cry, breathe, rest, laugh, and begin again when I am ready.

💬 Let’s Talk About It

Are you known as the strong one in your family or circle?

Are you the person everyone turns to when they need advice, comfort, or somewhere safe to land?

More importantly, who holds you when you are tired of holding everything together?

Let this be your reminder—and mine:

You do not always have to carry the light.

You are allowed to rest.

You are allowed to need support.

You are allowed to be human.

And that is more than enough.

Thank you for continuing to walk beside me through the lessons, laughter, difficult moments, and everyday realities of Kia’s Journey.

If this entry spoke to you, please like, comment, share, or subscribe at TheDualDiagnosisDiaries.com. Someone else may need permission to put down the weight they have been quietly carrying.

Founder • Author • Advocate • Future Wellness Coach
Kia Lorice
The Dual Diagnosis Diaries 💜