Dear Diary,
Can we talk about women’s health for a minute?
Because apparently, October decided that three mammograms in three weeks were exactly what I needed in my life.
THREE. MAMMOGRAMS. THREE WEEKS.
And before anyone asks, no, I did not sign up for some kind of breast-squishing loyalty program. There are no rewards points, no complimentary snacks, and certainly no free vacation after your third visit. 😂
But here we are.
And while I can usually find humor in just about anything, this experience has reminded me that sometimes the hardest part of a medical procedure isn’t the procedure itself.
It’s everything that happens afterward.
💗 It Started With a Routine Mammogram
Three weeks ago, I went in for what I thought would be a routine mammogram.
You know, the annual appointment where you willingly allow a complete stranger to position your breasts between two plates and compress them into shapes that breasts were never intended to take.
This time, they used the newer 3D mammogram technology, also known as digital breast tomosynthesis.
Fancy name. Same uncomfortable breast-squishing experience.
I went in, had my mammogram, and went about my day.
Then the next day, my phone rang.
The doctor’s office was calling because the radiologist had seen something on my images and wanted me to come back for additional imaging.
Now, intellectually, I understand that callbacks happen. Sometimes additional images are needed to get a clearer picture, and a callback doesn’t automatically mean something is wrong.
But emotionally?
The minute you hear, “We saw something,” your mind starts traveling to places you never intended to visit.
And suddenly, what was supposed to be a routine screening doesn’t feel so routine anymore.
💜 Round Two: More Pictures, More Questions
Two weeks ago, I returned for my second mammogram.
This time, they were taking a closer look at both breasts.
On the right side, they confirmed that what they were seeing was associated with the port I previously had removed.
They believe it is most likely scar tissue, but they want me to return in six months to make sure the area is resolving as expected.
Okay. Fine.
I can understand that.
But then we got to the left breast.
Apparently, there were two small clusters that needed further evaluation.
And because the entire purpose of mammograms is early detection, the recommendation was to come back again for another mammogram and a biopsy.
A biopsy.
Now, I don’t know about anyone else, but that is one of those words that can immediately change the atmosphere in a room.
You can explain to me that something is precautionary. You can tell me that early detection is important. You can remind me that not every abnormal mammogram means cancer.
And I understand all of that.
But understanding something medically and processing it emotionally are two entirely different experiences.
So, once again, I scheduled another appointment.
Because what else was I going to do?
🎀 Round Three: The Biopsy
Friday arrived, and off I went for mammogram number three.
At this point, I feel like the mammography department and I should be on a first-name basis.
Maybe exchange Christmas cards.
Something. 😂
This time, in addition to the mammogram, I was having a breast biopsy.
And because I’m me, naturally, I had to throw a little humor into the situation before the procedure even started.
The radiologist was giving me instructions, explaining where I needed to position myself and what she needed me to do.
And at one point, I looked at her and said:
“Oh, is this the part where you just want me to whip it out for you?” 😂
Because seriously, at this point, what modesty do I have left?
Three mammograms in three weeks, multiple strangers handling my breasts, and now a biopsy?
Ma’am, we’ve moved well beyond introductions. Just tell me which one you need and where you want it. 😂
I figured if I was going to spend my Friday having a needle inserted into my breast, I might as well bring a little comedy to the appointment.
Because sometimes laughter is the only thing keeping your nerves from taking over.
And surprisingly?
I felt absolutely nothing.
Seriously. Nothing.
The procedure itself was nowhere near as uncomfortable as I had imagined.
It wasn’t until hours later, after I was home, that I started feeling a little irritation.
Not pain, exactly.
Just that strange awareness that something had been done to my body.
I had bandages on my breast, and I could almost feel the area where the incision was beginning to heal.
I don’t know how else to explain it.
Maybe I’m weird, but I can sometimes feel when my skin is healing. It’s not necessarily painful. It’s just an awareness that something is happening beneath the surface.
The medical team successfully biopsied one of the two clusters in my left breast.
They explained that if the results come back benign, the other cluster would likely be benign as well, and they did not feel it was necessary to biopsy both at this time.
That was somewhat reassuring.
But there’s one very important word in that explanation.
IF.
And right now, that little two-letter word is doing entirely too much heavy lifting.
🌻 The Waiting Is the Hardest Part
Now comes the part nobody can prepare you for.
The wait.
Five to ten days.
That’s how long I was told it could take to receive my biopsy results.
Five to ten days of wondering.
Five to ten days of trying not to let my imagination get ahead of the facts.
And let me tell you something.
Five to ten days doesn’t sound very long until you’re waiting for news that could potentially change your life.
Suddenly, every notification makes you look twice.
Every unknown number makes you wonder whether it’s the doctor’s office.
And even when you’re busy doing ordinary things, that uncertainty is sitting quietly somewhere in the back of your mind.
You remind yourself that many breast biopsies come back benign. You tell yourself there’s no reason to worry until there’s something to worry about.
But then another thought creeps in.
What if?
What if the results aren’t what I’m hoping for?
What if this turns into something more?
What if this is the beginning of another journey I never asked to take?
And there it is.
The anxiety.
The uncertainty.
The feeling of having absolutely no control over what happens next.
💗 Women’s Health Is More Than Just an Appointment
I think sometimes we underestimate what women experience when it comes to routine health screenings.
We talk about the importance of mammograms.
We encourage women to schedule their appointments.
We remind each other that early detection saves lives.
And all of that is important.
But we don’t always talk about the emotional side.
The fear that comes with an unexpected callback.
The anxiety of additional testing.
The vulnerability of lying on a table while someone takes a tissue sample from your breast.
Or the mental gymnastics required to remain calm while waiting for results.
And let’s not forget the physical experience.
Because I don’t care how many times you’ve had a mammogram, having your breasts compressed between two plates is not exactly anyone’s idea of a relaxing afternoon.
Yet we do it.
We show up.
We endure the discomfort.
We return when we’re called back.
Because taking care of ourselves means doing the uncomfortable things, too.
But being proactive about your health doesn’t mean you’re immune to being afraid.
And I think more women need to hear that.
🌻 I’m Not Going to Pretend I’m Not Worried
Here’s where I’m going to be completely transparent.
I’m worried.
Not panicking.
Not assuming the worst.
But worried.
And I think that’s a perfectly reasonable response to having three mammograms and a breast biopsy in three weeks.
I appreciate the medical team being thorough. I appreciate that the technology is designed to identify abnormalities early. And I understand that additional testing doesn’t automatically mean something serious has been found.
But appreciation and anxiety can exist at the same time.
I can be grateful that something was detected early enough to investigate and still be terrified of what the investigation might reveal.
I can laugh about having my breasts smashed three times in three weeks and still feel my stomach drop when I think about the biopsy results.
Humor doesn’t cancel out fear. Sometimes it’s just how I manage to carry it.
And right now, I’m carrying quite a bit.
🎵 Music Playing…
“Rise Up” — Andra Day
Because sometimes strength isn’t about feeling fearless.
Sometimes it’s about getting dressed, showing up for another appointment, lying on another examination table, and doing what needs to be done even when you’re scared.
And sometimes it’s about getting through the next five minutes without checking your phone for the tenth time.
💭 Reflection Corner: The Space Between Knowing and Not Knowing
This experience has reminded me of something important.
We spend so much time encouraging women to be strong, proactive, responsible, and informed about their health.
But we also need to give women permission to acknowledge the emotional burden that comes with taking care of themselves.
It’s okay to be nervous.
It’s okay to ask questions.
It’s okay to admit that waiting for results is frightening.
And it’s okay not to have a positive attitude every single minute of the day.
Right now, I don’t have answers.
I don’t know what the pathology report will say.
I don’t know whether the next phone call will bring relief or another round of appointments.
What I do know is that I showed up.
Three times.
I followed through with the recommended testing.
And now I’m doing the one thing that feels harder than all three mammograms combined.
I’m waiting.
And for someone who likes answers, plans, and knowing what comes next, this waiting business is not sitting well with me.
Not one little bit.
But until those results come back, I’m going to keep living my life, finding reasons to laugh, and reminding myself that uncertainty is not the same thing as bad news.
Even if my mind occasionally needs that reminder about 47 times a day.
💌 A Little Reminder to Every Woman Reading This
Please schedule your mammograms and keep up with the breast screenings recommended for you.
If you get a callback, follow through.
If your doctor recommends additional testing, ask questions until you understand what is happening and why.
And if you’re currently waiting for results, know that you’re not the only woman who has stared at her phone, replayed conversations with medical professionals, or wondered what comes next.
We don’t always talk about this part of women’s health.
Maybe we should.
Because sometimes sharing the experience makes the waiting feel a little less lonely.
💬 Let’s Talk About It
Have you ever been called back after a routine mammogram or had to wait for biopsy results?
How did you manage the anxiety and uncertainty?
I’d love to hear your experience, because I know I’m not the only woman who has found herself in this uncomfortable space between testing and answers.
🌻 Until Next Time…
For now, I’m hoping for benign results, trying to keep my imagination from writing stories that haven’t happened, and reminding myself that early detection is exactly why these screenings matter.
I don’t have a diagnosis.
I don’t have a conclusion.
And I certainly don’t have the answers I’m waiting for.
But I do have hope.
And today, that’s what I’m holding on to.
Because sometimes the hardest part of taking care of yourself isn’t showing up for the appointment. It’s finding peace while you wait for the answers.
With love, laughter, a little anxiety, and two very offended breasts that have officially filed a complaint about their treatment over the last three weeks. 😂💜🌻
Kia Lorice
Founder • Author • Advocate • Future Wellness Coach
The Dual Diagnosis Diaries | Kia’s Journey
Because life is more than a diagnosis, and every chapter deserves to be told.
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