Dear Diary,
I came across something while scrolling that basically said this is the part where I’m supposed to tell you it’s not scary.
Except…
It is.
And maybe that’s the part we don’t say often enough.
Growth is scary.
Change is scary.
Starting over is scary.
Walking away is scary.
Trying something new is scary.
Doing something alone for the first time is scary.
Sometimes simply admitting, I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing, but apparently we’re doing it anyway, is terrifying.
But I’m beginning to understand something:
Being afraid doesn’t automatically mean I’m headed in the wrong direction.
Sometimes fear is simply proof that I’ve reached the edge of what is familiar.
And apparently, growth lives somewhere on the other side.
Rude.
🌻 Fear Has Been Riding Shotgun
There have been plenty of moments in my life when I was scared.
Scared to make the decision.
Scared to leave.
Scared to stay.
Scared I would fail.
And, strangely enough, scared I might actually succeed.
Because nobody talks enough about that kind of fear.
Sometimes you spend so much time trying to reach something that when you finally get there, you look around like:
Okay…who approved this? And where exactly is the adult supervision?
Then I remember.
Apparently, I am the adult supervision.
That seems poorly planned, but here we are.
The older I get, the more I realize fear doesn’t always arrive because something is wrong. Sometimes it shows up because something matters.
Because the decision is important.
Because the dream is bigger.
Because I’m doing something I’ve never done before.
Because I’m becoming someone I’ve never been before.
💛 Courage Was Never the Absence of Fear
For a long time, I think I misunderstood courage.
I thought brave people weren’t scared.
Now I know better.
Brave people can be absolutely terrified.
Their stomach can be doing gymnastics. Their brain can have 47 imaginary worst-case scenarios open simultaneously. They can question their decision six times before breakfast and Google something they already Googled yesterday just to make sure Google hasn’t changed its mind.
And they can still move forward.
Maybe courage isn’t:
“I’m not afraid.”
Maybe courage is:
“I am afraid. But fear doesn’t get to make this decision for me.”
That feels much more realistic.
And much more like me.
Because if I waited until I wasn’t afraid to do things, there are probably a lot of things in my life I never would have done.
Fear has been present for plenty of the journey.
It just hasn’t always been allowed to choose the destination.
🌱 Sometimes Fear Means I’m Growing
Growth sounds beautiful when we talk about it afterward.
We post the pictures.
We celebrate the accomplishment.
We talk about everything we learned.
We say things like, “Everything happens for a reason.”
Meanwhile, during the actual growing process?
Baby…
There may be confusion.
There may be tears.
There may be questionable decisions.
There may be moments when you seriously consider returning to your previous level of existence because this whole personal-development situation appears to have gotten out of hand.
And there may be conversations with yourself that should probably remain between you, God, and whatever walls happened to witness them.
Growth isn’t always pretty while it’s happening.
Sometimes it looks like uncertainty.
Sometimes it feels like discomfort.
Sometimes growth looks so much like everything is falling apart that I don’t realize until later that things were actually making room for something different.
And sometimes growth means leaving behind a version of myself that once kept me safe but no longer fits where I’m going.
That’s hard.
Even when I know I’m ready.
Because familiar doesn’t necessarily mean good.
Sometimes familiar simply means known.
And the unknown?
Well, the unknown has terrible reviews.
No pictures.
No itinerary.
And absolutely no cancellation policy.
🛤️ I Don’t Need the Whole Road
This may be one of the hardest lessons for me.
I don’t have to see the entire path before I start walking.
Would I prefer to?
Absolutely.
I would like a detailed itinerary.
Preferably color-coded.
With confirmation numbers.
Weather forecasts.
Emergency contacts.
Backup plans for the backup plans.
And snacks.
Definitely snacks.
But life rarely hands me all of that before asking me to move.
Sometimes all I get is enough clarity for the next step.
So I take it.
Then another.
Then another.
Sometimes confidently.
Sometimes cautiously.
Sometimes while questioning every life decision that led me to that exact moment.
But still moving.
And maybe that’s the point.
I don’t need to know exactly where the road ends to know I’m ready to leave where I’ve been.
🎵 Music Playing…
“The Climb” — Miley Cyrus
Because maybe life isn’t always about reaching the top as quickly as possible.
Sometimes it’s about who I’m becoming while I’m climbing.
The uncertainty.
The setbacks.
The fear.
The moments when I wonder whether I can keep going.
And then discovering that I can.
Maybe I’ve been so focused on reaching the destination that I forgot the climb is where I become the person who can handle whatever is waiting when I get there.
💭 Reflection Corner
Maybe you’re standing at the beginning of something right now.
A new job.
A relationship.
A move.
A dream.
A boundary.
A goodbye.
A hello.
Or maybe you’re standing at the beginning of a version of yourself you’ve been afraid to become.
And maybe you’re waiting for the fear to disappear before you move.
But what if it doesn’t?
What if being afraid isn’t proof that you’re unprepared?
What if it’s simply proof that you’re stepping beyond what’s familiar?
And what if courage isn’t waiting until you’re comfortable?
What if courage is looking fear directly in the face and saying:
“You can come, but you’re not driving.”
Because fear is natural.
Fear can even be useful.
It can make us pay attention.
It can remind us that something matters.
It can force us to slow down, think, prepare, and decide whether something is worth the risk.
But fear doesn’t always mean STOP.
Sometimes fear means:
Pay attention.
Sometimes it means:
This matters.
And sometimes?
It simply means:
You’re growing.
So yes, I get scared.
But I’ve survived enough chapters of this life to know I don’t need every answer before turning the page.
I can be scared and still go.
I can be uncertain and still take the next step.
I can overthink it, question it, prepare three backup plans for it, pack snacks for it…
…and still go.
Because maybe courage was never about becoming fearless.
Maybe it was about learning that fear could walk beside me without being allowed to lead me.
So the next time fear shows up, instead of immediately asking myself:
“What if this means I shouldn’t do it?”
Maybe I’ll ask a different question:
“What if this means I’m growing?” 🌻
💜 Until Next Time…
Thank you for reading another page from my diary.
If something here made you laugh, think, feel seen, or reminded you of your own journey, please like, subscribe, and share. You never know who may need the reminder that being scared doesn’t mean they aren’t ready.
And now I want to hear from you:
What would you do if you stopped waiting to feel fearless?
💜 Founder • Author • Advocate • Future Wellness Coach
Kia Lorice
The Dual Diagnosis Diaries 💜
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