Sometimes inspiration finds me while Iām scrolling.
Sometimes itās something funny. Sometimes itās something educational. And every once in a while, itās a few simple words that make me stop scrolling altogether.
This time, it was a message addressed simply to:
āDear Warrior.ā
It said it was okay not to be okay all the time.
It was okay to answer honestly when someone asks how you are.
Your feelings are valid.
You are allowed to have hard days.
And then came the line that stayed with me:
You are not too much. Remember that.
Whew.
Because somewhere along the way, many of us living with chronic illness start worrying that everything attached to our illness makes us too much.
Too many symptoms.
Too many appointments.
Too many medications.
Too many cancellations.
Too many accommodations.
Too many explanations.
Too many bad days.
And, of course, my personal favorite:
Too many answers other than āIām fine.ā
So, Dear Warrior, I think we need to talk.
š āHow Are You?ā Is Actually a Question
You know the routine.
Someone asks:
āHow are you?ā
And before they have even finished asking, we respond:
āIām fine.ā
Meanwhile, Crohnās may be staging a full-scale protest, MG may have decided muscles are optional today, fatigue has moved in without paying rent, and mentally Iām trying to remember which specialist I was supposed to call back.
But sure.
Iām fine. š
Sometimes āfineā really does mean fine.
Other times, āfineā means:
I donāt have the energy to explain.
Or:
Iām afraid the truth will make you uncomfortable.
Or:
I donāt want anyone to think Iām complaining again.
And sometimes it simply means:
This story is way too long for the amount of energy I currently have available.
But that āDear Warriorā message reminded me of something important:
It is okay to answer honestly.
āHow are you?ā does not have to be a multiple-choice question where fine is the only acceptable answer.
Sometimes the answer can simply be:
āToday is hard.ā
No explanation.
No apology.
No attempt to make the other person comfortable.
And that can be enough.
š I Donāt Have to Be Okay All the Time
Chronic illness can create this strange pressure to prove how well we are handling everything.
We celebrate the strong days.
The productive days.
The days when we work, laugh, travel, spend time with family, handle responsibilities, and somehow manage to make chronic illness look like a minor inconvenience happening somewhere in the background.
Those are often the days people see.
And sometimes those days become the evidence people use to assume we must be doing better.
But what about the other days?
The days when getting dressed feels like an accomplishment.
The days when pain wins.
The days when fatigue isnāt something a nap can fix.
The days when youāre frustrated, angry, scared, disappointed, overwhelmedāor simply tired of being tired.
Those days count too.
Strength isnāt pretending the hard days donāt exist. Sometimes strength is admitting, āToday is hard.ā
I can be resilient and exhausted.
I can be grateful and frustrated.
I can laugh and still be hurting.
I can advocate for myself and still occasionally want to throw my entire autoimmune system in the trash.
Two things can be true at once.
Actually, when you live with multiple chronic illnesses, about seventeen things can apparently be true at once.
My roommates like options. š
š¦ My Feelings Donāt Need Permission
Another part of the message simply said:
Your feelings are valid.
Simple words.
Big reminder.
There is no Chronic Illness Olympics.
I donāt have to compare todayās struggle to someone elseās worst day before deciding whether Iām āallowedā to be upset.
Someone having it worse doesnāt mean Iām not having a hard time.
Someone experiencing the same diagnosis differently doesnāt mean Iām handling mine incorrectly.
Someone responding beautifully to a treatment doesnāt mean I failed because my body responded differently.
And having a difficult day doesnāt erase every bit of progress Iāve made.
Living with chronic illness comes with emotions that donāt always fit neatly into inspirational quotes.
There can be grief.
Fear.
Anger.
Frustration.
Loneliness.
There can also be gratitude.
Joy.
Hope.
Laughter.
And ridiculous amounts of humorābecause apparently laughing at the absurdity of all this is one of the ways I survive it.
All of those feelings can exist in the same life.
Sometimes in the same day.
Sometimes before breakfast.
And none of them make me ungrateful, negative, dramatic, or weak.
They make me human.
š Hard Days Donāt Cancel Strong Ones
This one deserves repeating:
You are allowed to have hard days.
A hard day doesnāt mean youāve stopped fighting.
Resting doesnāt mean youāve given up.
Canceling plans doesnāt make you unreliable.
Needing help doesnāt make you weak.
Changing plans because your body changed the plans first doesnāt make you difficult.
Sometimes taking care of yourself looks productive.
Sometimes it looks like doing absolutely nothing.
And sometimes it looks like lying in bed negotiating with your body like youāre in a hostage situation.
āListen, if you let me get through this ONE thing, I promise we can rest afterward.ā
My body:
Terms and conditions apply. š
And somehow, I keep attempting these negotiations despite my absolutely terrible success rate.
But Iām learning something.
Listening to my body isnāt surrendering to chronic illness.
Rest isnāt waving a white flag.
Sometimes listening, adjusting, stopping, or asking for help is the smartest form of resistance I have.
š Maybe Iāve Been Worried About the Wrong Thing
Of everything in that message, these were the words I couldnāt shake:
You are not too much.
Because how many times have those of us living with chronic illness made ourselves smaller because we didnāt want our illness to inconvenience someone else?
We apologize for needing accommodations.
We apologize for canceling.
We apologize for talking about what weāre experiencing.
We apologize for needing rest.
We apologize for asking people to understand.
Sometimes we even apologize for things completely outside our control.
Sorry my body didnāt consult everyoneās calendar before malfunctioning.
Apparently Crohnās and MG missed that meeting.
Again.
But my diagnoses already take enough from me.
They donāt also get to convince me that I am a burden simply because I have needs.
That distinction matters.
There is a difference between having needs and being needy.
There is a difference between requiring support and being a burden.
There is a difference between having limitations and being incapable.
And there is a difference between having a lot to carry and being too much.
I am carrying a lot.
Some days, more than I would ever choose to carry.
But Iām learning not to confuse the weight of what I carry with the value of the person carrying it.
The weight of what I carry does not determine my worth.
I am not too much.
šµ Music Playingā¦
āTryā ā Colbie Caillat
Because sometimes we spend so much energy trying to appear okay, trying not to inconvenience anyone, and trying to become the version of ourselves everyone else can comfortably handle that we forget something:
We do not have to perform wellness for anyone.
I donāt owe anyone a healthier-looking version of myself.
I donāt have to smile through symptoms so someone else feels better.
I donāt have to turn every hard moment into an inspirational lesson before Iām allowed to experience it.
Some days, showing up exactly as I am is enough.
And some days, showing up for myself may be the most important thing I do.
š Reflection Corner
Have you ever automatically said āIām fineā when you were anything but fine?
Have you ever worried that your illness, symptoms, emotions, accommodations, or needs were becoming ātoo muchā for the people around you?
Have you ever apologized for something your body did that you couldnāt control?
I know I have.
So maybe today we practice something different.
Maybe when someone we trust asks how weāre doing, we give ourselves permission to tell the truth.
Maybe instead of apologizing for having a hard day, we simply acknowledge that weāre having one.
Maybe we stop measuring our strength by how much we can endure without help.
Maybe we stop measuring our worth by how little support we require.
And maybe we remind ourselves:
I am allowed to need support.
I am allowed to rest.
I am allowed to feel what I feel.
I am allowed to have hard days.
I am allowed to tell the truth about those hard days.
I do not have to pretend Iām okay to make other people comfortable.
And most importantly:
I am not too much.
Neither are you.
š¬ Your turn: What would change if you stopped apologizing for the things your chronic illness requires of you?
š Thank you for spending a little time with me inside The Dual Diagnosis Diaries.
If this entry spoke to you, made you laugh, made you think, or reminded you that you arenāt alone, please like, subscribe, share, or send it to someone who may need this reminder too.
Every share helps bring more understanding to the realities of living with chronic illnessāand may help another warrior realize there is a community that gets it.
Until next time, remember:
Your hard days are part of your story, but they are not the whole story.
You can need help and still be strong.
You can have limits and still live fully.
You can have hard days and still be making progress.
The things you carry may be heavy.
That does not make you too much.
Founder ⢠Author ⢠Advocate ⢠Future Wellness Coach
Kia Lorice
The Dual Diagnosis Diaries š

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