Dear Diary,
I have come to realize that being strong is both a blessing and a curse.
On one hand, I am proud of the woman I have become. I have survived things I never imagined I would have to face, pushed through moments that nearly broke me, and somehow managed to keep showing up for life.
On the other hand, I think I may have gotten a little too good at making difficult things look easy.
And apparently, when you become good at carrying heavy things, people start assuming you don’t need help carrying them.
Funny how that works, isn’t it? 🙄😂
Somewhere along the way, I became one of those people who can have a thousand things going wrong and still manage to smile, crack a joke, answer a phone call, solve somebody else’s problem, and ask how their day is going.
Meanwhile, my own life might be held together by prayer, caffeine, sarcasm, and whatever patience I have left in the tank.
But hey, at least I look like I have it together! 😂
🌻 When Strength Becomes an Expectation
There is something people don’t always understand about those of us who have spent years being strong.
Sometimes, we aren’t strong because we want to be.
Sometimes, we’re strong because life never really gave us another option.
We learned to function through disappointment, smile through heartbreak, and keep moving even when we were physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted.
Eventually, what started as survival became our reputation.
She’s strong.
She’s independent.
She always figures things out.
She’ll be fine.
And while those words may sound like compliments, sometimes they feel like expectations we never agreed to.
I’ve spent so much of my life being the person who figures things out that sometimes I wonder whether people have forgotten I’m human, too.
I don’t always need someone to fix my problems. Sometimes, I just want someone to recognize that I have them.
Because being the dependable one can be lonely.
People become so accustomed to seeing you handle everything that they stop wondering what it costs you to do so.
They see the results, not the exhaustion.
They see the smile, not the struggle.
They see the strength, but sometimes overlook the person carrying it.
And that might be the heaviest part of all.
💜 A Smile Is Not a Medical or Emotional Status Report
Living with chronic illness has taught me something about appearances.
People see me working, traveling, laughing, spending time with family, enjoying life, and occasionally acting like I have absolutely no sense.
Which, to be fair, is sometimes accurate. 😂
But what they don’t always see is what it takes to do those things.
They don’t see the fatigue that follows an otherwise wonderful day. They don’t see the moments when Crohn’s Disease and Myasthenia Gravis remind me that they are still very much part of my life.
They don’t see the mental negotiations I have with myself before deciding whether I have enough energy to do something that most people wouldn’t think twice about.
And they certainly don’t hear the conversations I have with my body.
Because trust me, if my body were an actual person, we would have been in couples counseling a LONG time ago.
And I’m pretty sure I would have filed for divorce by now. 😂
But here’s the thing.
Just because I am living my life doesn’t mean living it is always easy.
And that applies to so much more than chronic illness.
People carry grief they haven’t discussed, disappointments they haven’t processed, financial worries they haven’t shared, family struggles they keep private, and emotional exhaustion they don’t always have the words to explain.
Some people are fighting battles that never make it into conversation.
Not because they’re trying to hide anything.
But because sometimes explaining what you’re going through takes more energy than simply saying, “I’m fine.”
And sometimes, “I’m fine” really means, “I don’t have the energy to explain why I’m not.”
🌻 Sometimes I Don’t Want to Be the Strong One
There. I said it.
Sometimes I don’t want to figure everything out.
Sometimes I don’t want to be the responsible one, the dependable one, the problem solver, or the person who always knows what to say.
Sometimes I want someone to notice that I’m tired without me having to announce it.
I want someone to recognize that my silence might mean something.
That my smile might not tell the whole story.
That just because I haven’t asked for help doesn’t mean I wouldn’t appreciate someone offering it.
And no, this isn’t about wanting someone to rescue me.
I’ve been rescuing myself for far too long to suddenly forget how.
It’s about wanting to feel supported without having to reach a breaking point first.
Because being capable of carrying something doesn’t mean I should always have to carry it alone.
There are days when I am genuinely happy, laughing, and enjoying every moment of my life.
And there are days when I am doing all those same things while carrying something heavy beneath the surface.
Both can be true.
I can be grateful and overwhelmed.
Independent and in need of support.
Resilient and exhausted.
Happy and hurting.
I don’t think people always understand that strength and vulnerability aren’t opposites.
Sometimes, they exist in the same person, at the same time.
And sometimes, that person is me.
💜 Kindness Costs Nothing, but It Can Mean Everything
One of the greatest lessons life has taught me is that we really have no idea what someone else is carrying.
That friend who hasn’t called might be struggling just to get through the day.
That coworker who seems unusually quiet might be dealing with something they haven’t shared.
That person who is always smiling might have cried themselves to sleep the night before.
And the one who always says, “I’m good”?
Maybe they aren’t.
Of course, not every smile hides sadness, and not every quiet moment means someone is struggling.
But that’s exactly why we shouldn’t assume.
We live in a world where people are quick to judge someone’s attitude, behavior, or silence without considering what might be happening behind the scenes.
Sometimes, people don’t need advice.
They don’t need criticism.
They don’t need another reminder of how strong they are.
They just need kindness.
A thoughtful message.
A little patience.
Someone who asks, “How are you really doing?” and genuinely wants to know.
And sometimes, simply hearing, “You don’t have to explain anything, but I’m here,” can mean more than we realize.
We don’t always need to know someone’s story to treat them gently.
And we certainly shouldn’t wait until someone falls apart before deciding they deserve compassion.
🌻 Learning to Put Some of the Weight Down
Now, this is the part I’m still working on.
Because when you’ve spent most of your life figuring things out, asking for help doesn’t always come naturally.
I know how to handle things.
I know how to push through.
I know how to show up even when I would rather crawl back into bed and pretend the world doesn’t exist for a few hours.
What I’m still learning is that I don’t always have to.
I don’t have to minimize my struggles because someone else might have it worse.
I don’t have to earn rest by reaching complete exhaustion.
I don’t have to pretend everything is okay just to make other people comfortable.
And I don’t have to carry every burden simply because I’ve proven that I can.
There is strength in knowing when to keep going.
But there is also strength in knowing when to stop.
To rest.
To ask for help.
To let someone show up for me the way I have so often shown up for others.
I’m learning that accepting support doesn’t make me less independent.
It simply makes me human.
And maybe that’s the lesson I’ve needed all along.
I don’t have to prove my strength by carrying everything in silence.
💭 Reflection Corner
I think one of the greatest misconceptions about strong people is that they don’t need the same kindness, reassurance, and support they so freely give to others.
But strength doesn’t eliminate vulnerability.
Independence doesn’t eliminate loneliness.
And resilience doesn’t mean someone isn’t hurting.
I’m proud of everything I’ve survived and the woman those experiences have helped me become.
But I am also learning that I deserve to be cared for, not just admired for how much I can endure.
So here’s my gentle reminder, both to myself and to anyone reading this:
Look beyond the smile.
Check on the friend who always seems fine.
Be gentle with the person who appears to have everything under control.
Don’t mistake someone’s ability to keep going for proof that the journey hasn’t been difficult.
And if you’re the one quietly carrying the weight, remember that you are allowed to put some of it down.
You are allowed to need people.
You are allowed to have difficult days.
You are allowed to be more than the strong person everyone expects you to be.
Because sometimes the strongest people aren’t asking anyone to carry their burdens for them.
They’re simply hoping someone will notice how heavy those burdens have become.
And sometimes, they don’t even need someone to take the weight away.
They just need someone willing to stand beside them while they carry it.
So yes, I am strong.
Yes, I am independent.
And yes, I will probably continue figuring things out because, apparently, that’s one of my specialties.
But just because I carry it well doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy.
And just because I’m smiling doesn’t mean I couldn’t use a hug.
Preferably a real one, not another life lesson disguised as character development.
Because at this point, I think I’ve developed enough character for three lifetimes. 😂🌻
🎵 Music Playing in My Head While Writing This
“The Climb” — Miley Cyrus
Because life isn’t always about reaching the destination or proving how strong we are along the way.
Sometimes, it’s about acknowledging the struggles, appreciating how far we’ve come, and remembering that even the strongest people are allowed to have difficult moments.
Every challenge has shaped me, but I am learning that I don’t have to carry every lesson, every burden, and every expectation alone.
Some days I thrive. Some days I survive. And some days I laugh my way through the chaos because crying would ruin my mood.
This is my journey—unfiltered, imperfect, sometimes hilarious, and always real.
With love, laughter, and a little sarcasm,
Kia Lorice
Founder • Author • Advocate • Future Wellness Coach
The Dual Diagnosis Diaries 💜
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