“Healing isn’t always about getting back to who you were. Sometimes it’s about learning who you have to become next.”
I’ve lost count of how many “new normals” I’ve had to learn.
Just when I think I’ve finally figured life out…
Just when I think I’ve learned how to balance medications, treatments, energy, work, family, and everything in between…
My body changes the rules again.
As I sit here writing this diary entry, “I Smile” by Kirk Franklin keeps playing in my head.
Not because every day is easy.
Not because everything is suddenly okay.
But because no matter how many times life changes the rules, I keep finding a reason to smile anyway.
Maybe not immediately.
Maybe not every day.
But eventually.
💜 The Most Temporary Word in My Vocabulary
I’ve started to realize that “normal” has become one of the most temporary words in my vocabulary.
For people without chronic illnesses, getting better usually means returning to the life they had before.
For people like me?
Getting better often means learning to live in a body that’s changed again.
A body with new limits.
New routines.
New priorities.
Another new normal.
I’ve stopped asking, “When will things go back to normal?”
Because experience has taught me that every chapter writes a different version of normal.
🌻 When Life Changes Overnight
A week ago, I was leaving an emergency room wondering what surprise my body had decided to throw at me this time.
Then came antibiotics.
A red-eye flight across the country.
A family reunion.
Crohn’s deciding it wanted a cameo appearance.
Myasthenia Gravis reminding me that heat is still very much on its list of sworn enemies.
And enough exhaustion to make my IVAPS machine wonder if it should start charging me rent. 😂
The funny thing is…
Most people probably saw me smiling and catching up with family.
What they didn’t see was me scanning the park before I even sat down.
Where’s the closest bathroom?
Where’s the shade?
How far is the walk back to the car if my legs suddenly decide they’re done?
Do I have my medication?
Can I stay long enough to enjoy this without paying for it tomorrow?
Those aren’t thoughts most people have before a family reunion.
For me…
They’re second nature now.
Just when I thought I had found my rhythm again…
Plot twist.
Apparently my body had scheduled another meeting that I wasn’t invited to.
💜 Every Chapter Writes Another Version of Me
I’ve realized something over the past twenty years of living with Crohn’s Disease—and especially over the past few years since Myasthenia Gravis joined the party.
Every treatment.
Every infusion.
Every procedure.
Every flare.
Every setback.
Every victory.
Every chapter writes another version of me.
When I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease in 2006…
I had to learn a new normal.
When Myasthenia Gravis entered the picture…
Another new normal.
When breathing became something I suddenly had to think about instead of something my body simply did on its own…
Another new normal.
Learning to sleep connected to my IVAPS machine every single night?
Another one.
Restarting Rystiggo and slowly getting pieces of my life back?
Believe it or not…
Another new normal.
Because healing isn’t about going backward.
It’s about learning how to move forward with the version of yourself that’s standing in front of you today.
🌻 The Things Healthy People Never Have to Think About
There was a time when walking through an airport wasn’t something I had to mentally prepare for.
Now I look for places to sit before I even look for my gate.
There was a time when attending a family reunion only required deciding what I was going to wear.
Now I think about:
• Medications
• Hydration
• Cooling towels
• Rest breaks
• Bathrooms
• Shade
• Whether I’ll have enough energy to stay until the end
• Whether my body has agreed to cooperate that day
Planning an outing used to be exciting.
Now it’s practically a military operation.
😂 Operation: Leave the House
Mission Objective:
Have fun.
Supplies Needed:
Medication. Water. Cooling towel. Phone charger. Emergency snacks. Positive attitude.
Potential Obstacles:
Crohn’s. MG. Heat. Fatigue. My immune system freelancing without adult supervision.
Estimated Success Rate:
Depends on what kind of mood my immune system woke up in that morning. 😂
💜 Learning Who I Am Now
One of the hardest adjustments hasn’t been changing my routines.
It’s been changing how I see myself.
I still remember the woman who could work all day, meet friends afterward, travel without a second thought, and keep going because tomorrow would take care of itself.
She’s still me.
I’m still ambitious.
I’m still determined.
I’m still the woman who wants to help others.
I’m just living in a body that requires a different pace.
For a long time, I saw that as losing something.
Now…
I’m beginning to see it as learning something.
🌻 What Chronic Illness Has Taught Me
Is it frustrating?
Absolutely.
Do I sometimes wish I could go back to the version of me who never had to think this hard about simply existing?
Of course.
I think everyone living with chronic illness has wished that at least once.
But I’ve also realized something important.
Every version of my “new normal” has taught me something the previous version couldn’t.
I’ve learned patience.
I’ve learned to celebrate progress instead of perfection.
I’ve learned that resting isn’t quitting.
I’ve learned that asking for help isn’t weakness.
I’ve learned that my worth has never been measured by how much I accomplish in a day.
And perhaps the hardest lesson of all…
I’ve learned to give myself grace.
Not because I’ve lowered my expectations.
But because my life now requires flexibility far more than perfection.
Years ago, I would have judged myself for canceling plans.
Today, I understand that sometimes canceling plans is exactly how I make it to the next day’s plans.
That’s not failure.
That’s wisdom.
🌻 Holding Two Truths at Once
I’ve learned that joy and grief can exist in the very same moment.
I can be grateful that my breathing has improved…
While grieving the energy I haven’t gotten back yet.
I can be thankful that I made it to my family reunion…
While acknowledging that I couldn’t experience it the same way I once would have.
I can celebrate progress…
While still mourning what I’ve lost.
Both things can be true.
That’s one of the greatest lessons chronic illness has ever taught me.
Life isn’t always either/or.
Sometimes…
It’s both.
💜 Maybe the Goal Was Never Going Back
Maybe…
Just maybe…
The goal isn’t to keep chasing the life I had before.
Maybe the goal is to build a beautiful life with the one I have now.
One where I still laugh.
Still travel.
Still advocate.
Still make memories.
Still show up.
Still find joy in the middle of uncertainty.
Even if I have to do it differently than I used to.
Because “different” doesn’t automatically mean “less.”
It simply means…
Different.
🌻 The Truth About Resilience
When I look back over the last few years, I’ve survived more “new normals” than I ever thought I could.
Each one felt impossible in the beginning.
Each one eventually became familiar.
Not because I wanted it to.
But because I adapted.
That’s the thing about resilience.
It rarely feels inspiring while you’re living it.
Most days…
It just feels like getting up…
Taking your medications…
Showing up anyway…
Laughing when you can…
Resting when you must…
And trying again tomorrow.
Besides…
After all the plot twists my immune system has written into this story, I’ve become pretty good at improvising.
Although I’d really appreciate it if my body would stop submitting surprise sequels without asking me first.
I feel like I deserve executive producer credit by now.
Or at the very least…
Approval rights over the script before the next season premieres. 😂
💜 There’s Only Forward
I’ve stopped waiting for life to “go back to normal.”
Because the truth is…
There probably isn’t a “back.”
There’s only forward.
Forward with more wisdom.
Forward with more compassion for myself.
Forward with a deeper appreciation for the good days.
Forward with the understanding that strength doesn’t always look like pushing through.
Sometimes strength looks like slowing down.
Sometimes strength looks like saying no.
Sometimes strength looks like taking a nap.
Sometimes strength looks like asking for help.
And sometimes…
Strength simply looks like waking up, facing another day in a body you didn’t choose, and deciding to live anyway.
Life with chronic illness has taught me that “normal” isn’t a destination.
It’s a moving target.
And every time it changes…
I have a choice.
I can spend all my energy mourning the version I lost.
Or I can slowly…
Patiently…
Sometimes reluctantly…
Learn to embrace the version that’s waiting for me.
I’m still learning.
Probably always will be.
And that’s okay.
Because no matter how many times life hands me another “new normal”…
I’m still here.
Still adapting.
Still growing.
Still advocating.
Still laughing.
Still choosing hope.
Still believing tomorrow can be better than today.
And still writing the next chapter of this diary.
Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned…
The “new normal” may keep changing.
But so do I.
And every version of me has been stronger than the one before.
Not because I wanted to be.
Because I had to be.
By God’s grace…
I always find my way forward.
Not because the road becomes easier.
But because each version of my “new normal” reminds me that I’m stronger than I realized.
And maybe…
That’s what healing really looks like.
💜 Until Next Time…
Thank you for taking the time to read this entry from The Dual Diagnosis Diaries | Kia’s Journey.
If this story resonated with you, taught you something new, or reminded you that you’re not alone, please consider liking, subscribing, and sharing this diary entry. Your support helps raise awareness about Crohn’s Disease, Myasthenia Gravis, polyautoimmunity, and the realities of living with invisible illnesses.
Together, we can educate, advocate, and remind others that no one has to navigate chronic illness alone.
With gratitude,
Kia Lorice
Founder • Author • Advocate • Future Wellness Coach
The Dual Diagnosis Diaries 💜
🌐 http://www.thedualdiagnosisdiaries.com
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